


You gotta let me read just a page of you baby

by cromarty



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Bedtime Stories, Fairy Tale Style, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 16:34:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19890940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cromarty/pseuds/cromarty
Summary: 5 times Patrick tells David a bedtime story, and one time David tells Patrick one.





	1. At Stevie's

**Author's Note:**

  * For [wardo_wedidit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wardo_wedidit/gifts).



> Title from Frank Ocean's "Bedtime Story." Thanks to Kat and Em for a quick beta.
> 
> For Aly from my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 402 "Pregnancy Test."

It was 4 am but they still weren’t asleep. Patrick, lying on his side and smiling a little giddily, kept starting to doze and then blinking his eyes back open to keep looking at David. 

“What?” David finally said, trying to hide his own smile in the pillow. 

“It’s just…” Patrick rolled towards him so he could run his fingers gently up and down David’s bare back. “Sometimes, it just feels too good to be true, like you’re a magical creature I stumbled across,” Patrick finished, sweet and bashful. David’s eyes watered a bit, but he just closed them against Patrick’s sincerity and tried to shake his head a bit into the pillow. He heard Patrick huff a gentle laugh, and then take a breath.

“Once upon a time,” Patrick started, still smoothing his hand up and down David’s back, “there was a humble servant boy who moved to a neighboring kingdom to search for a fresh start in life. He knew he was on a quest, but he didn’t know what he was searching for. He found a job and a temporary home with a very friendly local portrait-painter-slash-castle-seller-slash-storeroom-organizer.” 

David chuckled lightly, but just cracked one eye open and let Patrick continue. 

“One day, while the young man of humble origins was working away, learning local bylaws, a unicorn walked into the shop.” 

At this, David opened both eyes and attempted a glare, but Patrick’s smile was still sweet and only a bit mocking, and his back and neck and scalp had started to tingle pleasantly, so David decided to close his eyes again and see how this played out. 

“This unicorn was a little confused about the business side of things, but he had a really special idea for a new shop that would be great for the kingdom. The young man was surprised but so happy to have met the unicorn, because he finally understood what his quest was supposed to be. He slowly learned that the unicorn was actually an enchanted prince, cursed by an evil… keeper of the king’s coffers? And the unicorn prince was on his own quest to make a success of his shop. Together…” Patrick’s voice had started to fade and his stroking had slowed to just a warm palm resting on David’s back. “Together the young man and the unicorn prince opened their store and shared… a spell-breaking kiss and lived... happily ever after.” 

David peeked one eye open and watched Patrick’s breathing slow and tried to work out if he was relieved or disappointed that Patrick had avoided the words “true love’s kiss” but _had_ said they would live happily ever after. He still hadn’t decided by the time that Patrick’s warm hand and soft breathing lulled him to sleep.


	2. At Ray's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 405 "RIP Moira Rose."

Patrick jolted awake and then paused, heart racing, trying to figure out what might have woken him in the dark quiet of his overly floral bedroom. After a moment, he could feel David lying beside him rigidly, and rolled over. “Are you alright?” he whispered. 

“I’m fine… I’m fine. I just… I’m fine.”

“David…” he hovered a hand over David’s arms, which were wrapped tightly and protectively around his own chest. 

“Okay, it’s just, I can’t stop thinking about it, and those stupid cat statues are staring at me,” he flung an arm towards Ray’s knickknacks on the credenza, “and I just… she was so small!” 

Patrick shifted closer and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Who was so small, the kitten?”

“Yes. It’s so stupid, but she was so small, and the giraffe _stepped_ on her, and I can’t stop thinking about… the... mechanics? And it’s just playing on a loop in my brain.” 

“Okay,” Patrick whispered, “do you want to hear a story?”

David shook his head no but at the same time whispered, “Yes, I guess.”

“Hmmm. Do you want to maybe hear about the earliest time that, looking back, I should have realized I was gay?”

David smiled in spite of himself. “Yes, I very much want to hear about that. Did it involve communal team showers by any chance?” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“It did not, but it did involve baseball. When I was in high school, I was _obsessed_ with Javy López, who was basically the best catcher in baseball then. In 2003, he had an unbelievable season, broke the home run record for a catcher, everything, but he played for Atlanta so it was hard for me to watch him.” 

Patrick sensed he was losing David with all this unsexy baseball talk, so he talked faster. “So I’m in a Javy López fan forum on the internet, and I get a guy in Georgia to tape all the games of the back half of the season, which is like 80 games, and mail me all of them so I could watch them for tips on how to be a better catcher, but I didn’t want my Dad to find out I was talking to strangers on the internet at the age of just barely 16, so I gave the guy the address of the… store I worked at, and then I would stay late after closing each week and watch the games on tape in the back room.” 

“I thought this was going to be a sexier story, honestly. Did you at least do anything scandalous while watching?” David groused, rearranging himself to snuggle closer to Patrick.

“I didn’t actually _do_ anything, no, but I sort of thought about doing some things, sometimes, and may or may not have talked a lot about his powerful arms with strangers on the internet. And then one time, okay, the liquor store next door to my… job got broken into and the cops came, and they could see my light on, so they made me open up and tell them if I witnessed anything, and I said, ‘Oh no, sir, I didn’t see anything, I was just in the back checking these tapes,’ and the cops definitely, without a doubt, absolutely thought I was watching porn back there.” 

“This story would be better if you had been watching porn back there,” David said. “Did you at least blush virginally at the suggestion?” 

“Yes, I’m sure I was bright red, and I thought they were going to call my dad, and they made me go back and show them what I was watching to check my story, and the one cop pressed play and it was just Javy, and I thought I was going to die, and then they gave me a ride home!” 

David chuckled. “Just so you know,” he said, climbing over Patrick to kiss up his flushed neck and feel the heat of 16 year old embarrassment on his lips, “I’m going to think about this story a lot, but my version is definitely going to be more than PG. And I’m adding back in the communal showers.”


	3. At the motel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 409 "The Olive Branch."

Stevie had booked them room 1 under the creative alias “Rosemary Corona,” which David assumed was her way of showing support. 

Late in the night, when David had entwined himself fully around Patrick and had his forehead pressed into Patrick’s neck, he finally admitted, “I just get a little…. I just wish I had gotten to know things about you growing up, the way she did. I just… want to have been there, sometimes.” Patrick picked David’s hand up off his own heart and kissed the palm. 

“Did you know,” he started, “that when you and I were kids we actually lived next door to each other? And there was a big tree between our houses, so if I was very careful I could climb out on a branch by my bedroom window and climb over into yours. You never climbed into mine because you thought that it was reckless when you could just use the doors like a normal person.” David smiled and kissed the bit of Patrick’s chest he could reach without moving. 

“We had a basket on a pulley line that stretched between our bedroom windows that we could use to send notes and toys over to each other. Oh! And we had walkie talkies, and we sometimes stayed up late under the covers talking through the walkies until my mom caught us and took mine away. Our walkie talkie signals reached far enough that you could talk to me when you were in your bedroom and I was in my kitchen, and sometimes you would walkie me about what song you wanted to hear when I had to practice piano. I got very good at soulful VH1 Divas Live covers. Also, when my mom made extra pie you could just open your back door and walk around to my back door and have some. And you were there when I hit my first home run, and I was there when you designed your first fall line, and I taught you to ride a bike, and you taught me how to french kiss….” Patrick trailed off and David could hear the smirk in his voice.

David reached up to teach him a little more about french kissing, but then hesitated and asked, "Can I hear more about this pie?"


	4. At Patrick's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 512 "The Roast."

“It’s just… that I’ve gotten… used to… knowing where… she is!” David was panting, trying to slow his breathing down to match Patrick’s. 

“And now she’s leaving again, I know.” Patrick whispered soothingly, pulling David over onto Patrick’s chest so he could try his usual method of smoothing his hand up and down David’s back under his sweaty t-shirt. 

“What about a story, hmm? One dark and stormy night, a little like this one, a tall, dark, and handsome man slammed open the door of a consulate and demanded to see whoever was in charge.” 

“I don’t want one about me,” David interrupted. 

“Who says this one’s about you? I was _obviously_ describing your dad,” Patrick teased, dropping kisses along David’s hairline. “Please don’t interrupt the story. This dashing man has just demanded to see whoever’s in charge, and he says ‘my precious baby daughter is all the way on the other side of the world trying to find a plug for her blender in a pristine ecological reserve and she hasn’t texted my firstborn and heir in nearly 24 hours, she could have been eaten by a tortoise, I must go save her!’”

“What am I supposed to be inheriting in this story, a minority share in the motel? The deed to an intersection and some outbuildings?” David sounded disgruntled, but his breathing was easier.

“I was thinking a nice collection of out-of-date suits tailored to someone else’s body, actually, but you’ll never find out if you don’t let me tell it. So you haven’t heard from her and maybe Ted has texted something cryptic like ‘Leaping Lizards!’ but that’s it, so your Dad goes to find out what the deal is, and the consulate gets the research station on the satellite phone, and they get Ted, and Ted, very tanned and toned from all that research on the beach, says…” 

“Okay!” David sat up so he could loom over Patrick. “This was supposed to be a nice relaxing story to help calm some very real fears about Alexis’s horrible travel track record, but now I think it’s actually some kind of kinky fantasy thing I really should have known about before we got this far into a relationship!” Patrick just grinned up in the face of his indignation and then pulled him back down for a kiss. 

“What can I say, David, you told me you didn’t want one about you, and when Ted makes stupid animal puns I get kind of hectic inside.” 

“Shut up,” David growled, going in for another searing kiss with more teeth than usual. “You don’t get points back for quoting Mariah.”


	5. The night before the wedding

“What’s the ‘ _worst that could happen_ ’?! Actually, we could die. Or the motel could burn down, with my in-laws and best friend inside it. Or the venue could burn down, while we’re all in it, or it could turn out that my fiancé is allergic to horses and the gazebo is too close to the bridle path because they thought it would be a cute synergy moment, _or_ —” Patrick snagged the phone on David’s next trip past him.

“Goodnight, Mrs. Rose, David will see you bright and early tomorrow for hair and makeup. Have a lovely rest of your night!” he said cheerfully, and then hung up firmly. David was still pacing in front of him, glaring at him. Patrick looked down at the phone, entered his own birthday when it prompted for the passcode, and then started it playing “When I Saw You” before tossing it onto the couch. 

“Come here, baby,” he said, pulling David close and swaying him gently until he felt David consciously relax his body and start to participate in the dance.

“Do you want to hear the actual worst wedding I’ve ever been to?” David nodded against his temple. “When my cousin Andy got married, in Michigan, it was the middle of a heatwave, and everyone was sweating off their makeup and fanning themselves desperately in the church. All the doors were open because they just had big ugly box fans, and there was a very aggressive pick-up basketball game going on in the schoolyard next door, and the guys playing did not take kindly to a priest going out to ask them to tone down the swearing. I was wearing my only good suit, by the way, which was wool, and not a summer-weight wool.” 

David snorted a little into Patrick’s ear at the very idea of someone wearing winter-weight wool to a summer wedding, so he felt it was safe to untangle them, grab David’s phone, and lead David back over to their bed to settle in. 

“Then, when the mass was finally over, everyone piled into the reception venue, which was a windowless church basement, but which thankfully has air conditioning, at least until about 20 minutes into the reception, when the heat finally overwhelms the electrical grid and causes a county-wide blackout. No power for the air, no power for the DJ, no power for the refrigeration, and the church was too small to have an emergency generator. Everyone was just shuffling around in the dark trying to eat and drink all the booze before the ice melted.”

“That does sound sort of terrible, but at least no one, like, died,” David said, snuggling down into Patrick’s side.

“Actually, it was pretty nice, for a bit. Everyone turned on their phone flashlights and we watched their first dance in the dark, with their wedding song playing from a bluetooth speaker a bridesmaid happened to have in her car. Once everyone was thoroughly drunk and probably had heat exhaustion it got a little less nice, but the important part happened, anyway. They got to be married, and no matter what happens tomorrow, David, we’ll be married too.” 

“Hmmm,” David said, leaning in to kiss Patrick goodnight. “I think, though, if the motel burns down tonight, we might need to postpone, like, at least a day, just for appearances’ sake.”

“Okay, David.”


	6. The wedding night

“Once upon a time,” David started, and Patrick laughed into his neck where he was lying draped across him in their Elm Valley hotel bed. “There was a prince cursed into the form of a unicorn who was banished to a small kingdom by the evil keeper of the king’s coffers. He thought he might possibly be on a quest, but he didn’t know what he was searching for.” 

“I think I might know this story, some of it sounds familiar,” Patrick murmured, but David just smoothed his hand up and down Patrick’s bare back and continued.

“The prince spent years miserably trying to guess what, exactly, he was supposed to be searching for. He thought maybe it was supposed to be his family, but when he sort of found them again he still felt like he needed something else. Then, he thought it might be a job, but even though the idea of his store excited him, he wasn’t sure he could do it alone. Then one day he walked into the office of a local portrait painter-slash-castle seller-slash….”

“Storeroom organizer, I think it was.” Patrick prompted.

“Slash-storeroom-organizer, and met a cocky young man of humble origins who he thought would help with his business. The unicorn was at first not so sure because the young man turned out to be a literal troll…”

This caused Patrick to snort into David’s neck and murmur, “You loved it.”

“ _But_ ,” David continued, pinching Patrick to silence him again, “even though it was hard to ignore his trollish ways, the unicorn realized that the young man _and_ the store might both be his quest. And slowly, but more quickly than he honestly could have ever imagined, the unicorn and the troll mended each other’s hearts and taught each other how to break their curses.” He picked up Patrick’s left hand and kissed his ring, and then his palm.  
“And tonight,” David had to pause and clear his throat to continue, “three entire years later, they shared their ten-thousandth true love’s kiss in front of the entire kingdom, and promised each other happily ever after.”

Patrick pulled himself up to stare down into David’s eyes and wipe away his tears, which he’d been doing at pretty regular intervals all night. “That, my handsome prince, my darling husband,” he said, kissing David’s eyelids and then his cheeks, “is the best story I have ever heard in my entire life.”


End file.
